I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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