This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
