All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
