The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
