Already got asked if we're dating
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
