I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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