so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
