so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This house was built for laser tag.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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