when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i wish my penis had a tongue
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
being pregnant is like rehab
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
