he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
how does that bad decision feel?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
