I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You can't motorboat a personality
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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