Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
