so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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