Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
