Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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