you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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