Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
