There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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