Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
