Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
