ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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