I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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