I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
