his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
