but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
