this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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