Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
