And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just googled if crying burns calories
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize