You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
