She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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