do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
