we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
