Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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