It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
