That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
