Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize