I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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