someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
