I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
