i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Randomize
