I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
