She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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