you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
