It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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