Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize