If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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