I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
