never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
