Pants 0. Shit 1.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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