Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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