I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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