So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Acid is not a monday night drug
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
