Don't you send me to vm
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
