I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How does it feel to date your dad?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize