Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
zippers are such a cool invention
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
