I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We smell like vodka and hangover
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