Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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