its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
