Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
