I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
