do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
