thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
