Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
