So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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