then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
