dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
