I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
