He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
