i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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