the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
