Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
